Somewhere in the battles we have lost
by CheatedDefeated
Summary: Wasn't it strange how some people can bring out the bad in you? Especially when you're such an innocent young girl who definitely didn't want this life. The longing for a normal life changes when someone puts a pit of fire inside of you, and all you want to do is suck the life from them.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: Just wanted to quickly say, this is my first Harry Potter Fanfiction. I've only recently taken interest in it (years too late, right?) and particularly the character Draco Malfoy. I understand that J.K Rowling actually intended for most people to hate Draco Malfoy, but I think the more interested in the character I became, the more I wanted to explore it. So yeah, I hope you enjoy and please leave a review? Thank you**

**Summary: Wasn't it strange how some people can bring out the bad in you? Especially when you're such an innocent young girl who definitely didn't want this life. The longing for a normal life changes when someone puts a pit of fire inside of you, and all you want to do is suck the life from them.**

* * *

I knew that Hogwarts wasn't going to be the place for me. I knew it the day that my Mother showed me my acceptance letter. I knew the second that I stepped off of the train. I knew it the moment that I first saw the school.

You see, wizardry wasn't what I was used to, at all. Both my parents were pure-blood's, and had tried to teach me the basics throughout the years in our countryside home, but I didn't like it. I wasn't 'normal' in their eyes. Most children would probably have been excited to discover that they had magical powers, but me? Not at all. I wanted to be a regular human, or maybe a squib. I wanted to go to a normal school with normal children.  
But I also knew that my parents had high expectations of me. They wanted me to go to Hogwarts, become the strong witch that they knew I could be. Follow in their footsteps, and one day have another pure-blood. They'd told me for years that Muggle-born's and Squib's were below us, but in my mind, that was all I wanted to be. My parents expected something from me, that I really didn't want to do or be.

I'd found, about two months before I'd started at Hogwarts, that I had a foul temper. My Father also realised that when I was angry, I worked my magic best. I'd silently cast a hex on a passing bird, without even realising. I'd just argued with my parents and stormed outside to see this bird squawking far too loudly for my liking, the next thing I knew was that the bird was rolling around on the floor and my Father was applauding me. From then on, my parents used it to 'convince' me to go to Hogwarts.

"Oh Lucia Tiami Elizabeth Macias! Can't you see that you are a powerful young witch?! Hogwarts is the place for you!"

I knew that disappointing them wouldn't get me anywhere, so Hogwarts was where I ended up... And I hated it from day one.

So many memories that I wanted to forget from just that first day, never mind the past four and a half years. At first I had been placed into Slytherin by the sorting hat, I hated that the second I stepped towards the group that had slowly formed. Then I had my first encounter with _him_.. Draco Malfoy. He had instantly turned his nose up at me, and I hadn't even said a word yet. I remember shooting him a deathly glare before pushing my way to the back of the group, wishing I wasn't there.

The tormenting had started that evening. Draco and many of the other Slytherin's had noticed how quiet I was. At first it started with 'do you ever speak?', 'Cat got your tongue?' and the usual, before he moved onto my eyebrows. They were bushy, you could say that, and I'd argued with my Mother many times about waxing them. However, I had never been able to.. so I spent my years at Hogwarts being known as big brows Macias.

I felt like I would never get out of this place.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Lucia Tiami Elizabeth Macias!" I heard my Mothers angered cry as she tore the book from my hands. "You, you are pushing me child!"_

_Yet again, I'd been reading a Muggle book, not the rubbish books she'd given me. I didn't want to be Witch.. Why couldn't she understand that?!_

_Suddenly, my Father burst into my room. "What has happened now?!"_

_"Look!" My Mother cried, holding the book up to my Father. "Garrett, just look!"_

_I watched as my Father's face dropped. "Lucia..." His voice was low, angry, like his patience was finally gone. That was exactly how it had happen all those years ago when I was nine. But then suddenly, the scene changed and I was surrounded by blackness. It was silent for a moment, then I heard the voices._

_It was just my Mother at first, her high pitched squeal, that sometimes dropped in her Spanish accent. "Lucia Tiami Elizabeth Macias! You are worthless!" _

_The words hurt. I wasn't worthless was I? _

_Then there came Father's words. "You are a pure-blood witch, and you WILL create more pure-bloods, even if I have to force you."_

_Those words scared me a little. Surely my Father wouldn't go that far?_

_It wasn't long before more voices joined in, and I could feel my heart thumping._

_There was Pansy Parkinson's awful giggle, then she spoke. "Look at her, the loner. She's such a freak."_

_It was starting to overwhelm me, I could feel the tears stinging in my eyes at the hurtful words._

_And the tears started to fall at the last voice. "Cat got your tongue, big brows Macias?! Or were Mummy and Daddy so scared of your huge brows that they didn't teach you a thing?! Is that it? They were disgusted by those hideous things on your face?" Draco Malfoy's voice made me crumble. I tried to curl into a ball, but I was frozen. The tears were pouring down my cheeks, my heart still pounding in my chest and the voices getting louder and louder._

_"Leave me alone!" I sobbed, finally finding my voice. The voices still continued, louder so that I could feel my ears pounding too. "Leave me alone!" I screamed it this time._

Suddenly, I jolted upwards, panting heavily. My eyes searched around the room, adjusting to the darkness around me. I looked around my dorm, my hands gripping on my bed covers, then I realised, I'd been having a nightmare. As my breathing slowed, I slowly loosed my grip on the covers and laid back. It was the first nightmare I'd had in a long time... And I knew when I had nightmares that something was about to change. It was strange, but I'd noticed when big events happened in my life that I would have nightmares. It unnerved me a lot, scared me even, I didn't have a clue what to expect, I just knew that something was upcoming. I felt a sickly feeling arise in my stomach.

I rolled around for a while, trying to get back to sleep, but it was useless and my body was far too awake now. I reached over and picked up my watch, trying to see the time. 5:45 am. I sighed and fastened the watch onto my wrist. Knowing that I wouldn't get anymore sleep if I tried, I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for the day. Once I was ready, I grabbed my portable CD player and took it out into the common room. The Kenwood portable CD player, and the old Nirvana CD it contained, were the only things that really helped my Muggle wishes stay alive in my head. Over the past few years I'd planned that as soon as I was done here, I would finally tell my parents that they could no longer tell me what to do, and that I was moving away to live a normal life.

I sat down on one of the sofas, and put the headphones over my ears. As the sound of 'Smells like teen spirit' filled my ears, I rested my head into the back of the sofa and closed my eyes. I still felt sick and I was fairly anxious about the upcoming event my nightmare had called my attention to. I could be wrong, and just had a nightmare like everyone else does, but I hadn't been wrong about it before.

Suddenly, the headphones were torn from my head and I snapped my eyes open, letting out a gasp of shock. There, in front of me was Draco Malfoy, headphones dangling in between his finger and thumb. I tried to snatch them back, but he pulled them further away.

I shot him a glare as he spoke. "Listening to anything interesting, Brows?" He questioned, lifting the headphone to hold it to his ear, as I cringed at the name he had just called me. After a second he pulled it away again. "What is that crap?!"

I tried to snatch them back again, and this time he let me take them.

"Steady on, you might rip my hand off too!" He muttered sarcastically. I glared at him again as I paused the music and gathered it in my hands. I hadn't ever spoken to this pompous moron, and I wasn't about to start now.

I got to my feet, the sickly feeling getting worse, and started to walk back to my dorm, when he held and arm out in front of me. I paused and glanced sideways at him.

"Aren't you even going to talk, brows? All these years we've been stood next to each other when things are done alphabetically, and you still haven't uttered a word!" He said, looking at me expectantly.

I took a deep breath, then continued to walk, pushing past Draco's arm. He refused to let it drop so the force of my stomach pushing onto his arm gave me the feeling of sick rising up inside me. I thought I'd finally got away from him, when the common room doors slammed shut just metres in front of me. I looked over my shoulder, and he was stood there, wand in hand. My palms had started to get sticky and my breathing uneven, as I feared I would throw up.

"Come on, brows! It is just you and I here.. I won't tell anyone if you do say something." He said, slowly walking towards me. Why was he so hell bent on trying to get me to talk?!

I shook my head and turned my body to face him. I wanted to beg him to let me leave so I could just throw up in peace, but as the seconds passed I knew that wouldn't be the case. My eyes started to sting with tears and I wanted to hit myself. I couldn't let him see me cry, he had tormented me enough over the years!

"Say something." He said slowly as he stood directly in front of me. We were quite literally inches apart and I couldn't help but let a tear slip out from my eye. I clamped my lips together, knowing that if they parted it would be to let the horrible liquid out from inside of me. I breathed through my nose and turned away from Draco, praying he'd let me out this time.

He didn't. He grabbed my wrist and I twisted to look at him, the twist jolted whatever was inside of me and I managed to bend over before finally throwing up. I squeezed my eyes shut, quickly pulled my hair out of my face and wiped my mouth with my hand, sobs erupting from inside me.

"What the fuck?!" Draco yelled. I opened my eyes to the realisation that I'd just thrown up all over Draco Malfoy's shoes.

I looked up at him, opening my mouth to speak, but no sound came out.

"That's fucking disgusting!" He cried. "You just vomited all over me!"

If it wasn't bad enough, I heard voices start to enter the common room. I needed to get out of here and fast.

"I-I'm so sorry!" I spluttered the first words I had ever spoken to him, then turned and ran towards my dormitory.


	3. Chapter 3

Everything had gotten so much worse since that horrible incident with Malfoy in the common room. I now had a huge range of awful nicknames, Brows and Up Chuck being the main ones. Malfoy had told everyone that I 'was so scared of him that I threw up everywhere, then practically sobbed at his feet for forgiveness'.. And the worst part was that everyone in Slytherin believed him, even my own friends. Of course they had been sympathetic, but they didn't listen to my side of the story.

_I remembered how I'd ran back to my dorm and thrown up again in the toilet, before wiping my mouth and brushing my teeth. I looked at myself in the mirror and repeatedly told myself that it wasn't my fault. Malfoy had stopped me leaving, therefore he got what he deserved, but I had embarrassed myself so much. And it was even worse that it was in front of him. Once my mouth felt fresh, I washed my hands and splashed my face with water to cool me down. The nightmare had left me feeling so uneasy and the mocking that was yet to come wouldn't make me feel any better. I was drying my face, when my friends had come running in._

_"Luce?!" I remembered hearing Millicent's voice first. Millicent Bulstrode was a chubby girl, that was always very polite and had a passion for magic. She was almost as good as Hermione Granger academically._

_Her and Tracey had run straight into the bathroom and stared at me._

_Tracey Davis was also very hard working, but not as academic as Millie. I got on with her best, as she also like to have a gossip and sometimes a little bitch about some of the girls in our house. Unfortunately the three of us were in a dorm with Pansy Parkinson, and most days I found myself wanting to smother her with a pillow in her sleep but somehow had refrained from doing so yet. One of her little followers, Daphne Greengrass was also in our dorm, but I could just about handle having her around._

_I blinked at them both, wondering how I hadn't noticed I'd passed them on the way back here, then realised that I hadn't really seen anyone properly._

_"Is it true?" Tracey asked._

_I hung my towel on the rack and took a deep breath before speaking. "That I puked on Malfoy's shoes?"_

_They both nodded._

_"Yes..." I mumbled, feeling my cheeks glow a bright red. I slid between them both and walked over to my bed._

_"You were crying too weren't you?" Millie asked, pulling a sympathetic face._

_"He scared you didn't he?"_

_I paused. "Scared me?" I scoffed. "No."_

_"That's not what he's saying!" Millie said._

_I looked over my shoulder at the two girls who had turned to face me._

_"What has he been saying?"_

_"You were so scared of him that you threw up, then cried at his feet for forgiveness!" Tracey told me._

_"That is definitely not true! I had a nightmare and couldn't get back to sleep because I was feeling sick. I went to the common room to listen to music and he was being a pain in the rear end! It got to the point where my sickly feeling was getting so bad that I had to leave so I could puke in the toilet but he stopped me. Quite literally wouldn't let me go anywhere!" I informed them, picking up my portable CD player from where I had thrown it minutes before and stuffed it away. The two girls hadn't said anything yet, so I looked over my shoulder again to see them exchanging a glance. I knew as soon as I saw it that they didn't believe me. "You don't believe me do you?!"_

_"No, Lucia!" Millie said. "It's not that we don't believe you..." She trailed off, unsure of what to say._

_Tracey jumped in to finish for her and slid on my bed. "We wouldn't blame you if he scared you! Being trapped in a room alone with that bully would petrify me too!"_

_I sat next to her and stared at her in disbelief. "What do you mean?! Oh for the love of Merlin! I wasn't scared of him!"_

_"Luce-" Millie started, but I cut her off._

_"-No! If I was scared of anything, it would have been throwing up in a public place!" I cried._

_I saw them both exchange the same glance again and knew that nothing I said would convince them._

I was dragged out of my thoughts by someone repeatedly calling my name. I soon realised that it was Tracey's voice and I was still sat at the table in The Great Hall.

"Sorry, what?" I said, looking across cluelessly at the brunette.

She sighed and spoke again. "You haven't touched your breakfast..."

"I'm not hungry." I told her, looking down at my still full plate.

I felt a tap on my arm and a boy from a younger year looked at me. "Are you going to eat that?"

I shook my head. "Help yourself." I mumbled and slid the plate over to him slightly.

He grinned at me and started to stuff his face.

This action didn't go unnoticed by some of my fellow Slytherin's.

"Giving your food away? Good job really, you might throw it all up on someone again!" I heard Pansy's squeak from the middle of the table. She gained a chuckle from a few of the people around her.

I rolled my eyes and didn't bother to look at her. It had been three weeks since the incident with Malfoy and it was definitely taking a long time to die down.

"Oh Draco, how did you even get her to talk to you?!" Pansy squeaked again, this time obviously trying to boost Malfoy's pathetic ego.

This time, I looked up and glared at her.

"I don't know.." He replied. "I guess I just have that power." He looked over, a smirk spread across his face, and I felt the anger flush through me. I moved my hands to my lap and balled up my fists, wishing it was his head I was crushing in them.

"Ignore them." I heard Millie say from my left. I looked away from Malfoy, and down at the table again, taking a deep breath.

It was quiet between the three of us for a moment, then Tracey spoke. "I don't see how she can be such a bitch to you, I mean how has no one made a comment on her hair yet? It looks like she has a bird's nest on her head today!"

I smiled a little at her comment, but there was no way that it would make me laugh in this mood.

* * *

The tormenting continued for at least a month more. Everyone took every chance that they had to mock me for what had happened, yet none of them got a reaction.. Not a verbal one anyway. There was times when I'd wake up at night and see Pansy in her bed and wonder what kind of hex I could throw at her.

I also spend a lot of time looking over my shoulder, feeling so anxious. I'd had multiple nightmares since that first one seven weeks ago, and I was still worried about this change in my life. It had been a good one before, but with the way my life was going, it would probably just get worse.

I was right. I arrived at a potion's lesson early one morning, and went to sit down in my usual seat. Professor Snape was already in the classroom, and as I went to sit, he ordered for me to stand up again.

"We're all switching partners for our final project of the year." He informed me.

I felt my heart start to sink at the thought of not sitting with Millicent.. I'd always struggled with potions and it helped that she did all the work and explained it slowly for me as she went through it. There was no way that anyone else in this class would do that for me.

The class slowly filled up, and when it appeared that everyone had arrived, Professor Snape started to speak. "For the last project of this year, I decided that you would all work with someone else... Someone of my choice. I decided on house pairings." People started to look at others in their house and grin at each other. "But of course, that would mean that you'd all instantly choose your friends, so I've chosen people that aren't always together."

The class let out sighs, but didn't object in anyway, in fear of what Snape would do. He picked up a sheet of parchment paper and read out the pairings he had listed down.

"Millicent Bulstrode..." He called out. I looked up, wondering who she'd be paired with and if I'd be sat near her. "... And Theodore Nott."

I watched them walk to their seat, and felt my heart sink again as Millie sat right at the end of a table.. _Great. No help at all then._

"Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini."

I stepped to the left slightly to let them pass through to the back table on my right.

"Lucia Macias.." I heard my voice and took a step forwards, dreading who my partner would be. "And Draco Malfoy."

My heart sank yet again, and I thought I could feel it in my arse. I scurried to my right and sat down next to Blaise, hating the fact that I would be so close to Pansy and Malfoy. I stared up at Snape angrily, having already killed him twenty different times, in twenty different ways, in my head. I heard the scraping of a stall to my left and quickly looked down at the table. This lesson was going to be pure torture for the next few weeks.

"I do hope you're not going to vomit all over me again, Brows." I heard his voice, which was alarmingly close to my ear. I lent towards Zabini a little, trying to get away from Malfoy, but mentally refused to look at him. When I felt him move away from me, I shifted back into my seat properly.

Silence filled the room as Professor Snape began teaching, and I continued to stare at the table, noting down anything necessary. When he instructed us all to start our Hate potions, I didn't hesitate to get up and collect the ingredients. That ignorant ponce sat next to me wouldn't bother.

I just about managed to carry it all over to the table without dropping anything and looked up at Malfoy. He was chatting away to Zabini about some sort of _shit_, and I felt my palms start to get clammy with nerves at the thought of doing a potion on my own. There was no way on Merlin's beard that I'd get it right... What if I blew up the table? Or worse, Malfoy?!

_...Actually that wouldn't be too bad. _I told myself before, slightly shaking my head and holding back a smirk.

I placed it all in front of me, then walked around to the other side of the table. Malfoy had shifted over onto my stall so that he could talk to Zabini, so I stood behind his stall and started to crush up the first ingredient on the list.

I followed the instructions and watched in horror as the potion turned a slimy green color. I heard footsteps coming towards my table and looked up to see Snape walking towards me, his lips pursed. He paused the opposite side of the table and coughed, looking at Malfoy.

Malfoy turned around and looked up at Snape.

"Look at the state of that potion..." Snape sneered and waved his wand over the cauldron, leaving it empty. "Mr Malfoy, I placed you with Miss Macias because she was lacking the help that she needed. I figured that you would take control of her work and help out a fellow Slytherin but I see that isn't the case."

"She wouldn't let me help he-" Malfoy started to lie, before being cut off by Snape and a glare from me.

"-I honestly couldn't care less whether she wants your help or not. She needs it. I want you to tutor her. She'll need to cover everything in the Magical Drafts and Potions textbook. It is a month until your OWLS and I will not accept you or her next year if she does not get the marks I request." Snape told him.

I stared up at the greasy haired professor in shock. What the fuck?! I knew I wouldn't managed to get the OWLS I needed to take potion's next year, which was fine by me.. But now he was putting Malfoy's acceptance into next years class on my back too?! How was that even fair?!

The blonde prick beside me opened his mouth to speak to Snape, but saw the look on the professor's face and shut it again.

"At least three times a week, Malfoy. She has a lot to catch up on." Were Snape's departing words, and he twisted and strutted over to some Gryffindor's.

The pair of us sat in silence for a moment before Malfoy let out a quiet growl and glared at me. "Thanks a bunch, Macias. You're such a pain in the fucking arse." He spat.

I shot him daggers with my eyes, then took a deep breath. Fine, he just spoke to me like I was a piece of shit but what's new? I'd have to suck it up and get working.

He snatched the leftover ingredients away from me and started to remake the potion. He turned to Zabini again and started muttering complaints about me, whilst I just watched him sort the potion, glancing at the instructions every now and again. Now I'd seen him do it properly, I realized where I went wrong.

When the end of the lesson arrived, Snape dismissed us, and everyone got to their feet.

Malfoy glared at me again as he passed me and mumbled: "Library, eight pm."

I nodded in understanding and picked up my bag. By the time I stood up properly he was gone. Looks like I was actually going to have to catch up with this potions crap. But why had he said the library? We were in the same house... Surely it would be so much easier to sit in the common room?

And then I realized what the problem was. He was ashamed to be seen with me.

* * *

I was correct, _again_. I arrived at the library at just gone eight, and Draco was no where to be seen. I searched around for a while, then found him hidden at the back of the library, tucked away from view. He didn't want to be seen with me.

I sighed, and walked over to the table, sitting down opposite him.

"You're late." He stated.

I looked down at my watch,_ three minutes late.. ugh. He was fussy. _I didn't reply and pulled my textbook out of my bag.

"If I seriously have to waste my time helping you, the least you could do is talk to me." He snapped. I just stared at him blankly, waiting for him to start tutoring. He sighed, clearly irritated, and spoke again. "Fine. Have it your way."

He tore the textbook away from me and flicked through it. After a few seconds, he stopped and slid the book back over to me, holding it open. "Moonstones. I saw your work on this, it was terrible."

I rolled my eyes and looked down at the page.

"Just read through it, make notes, then answer some of those questions at the bottom of the second page." He told me. I placed my hand on the book and he removed his, then lent back in his chair.

I'd just started to read, when he placed his feet up on the table. I took a frustrated deep breath and looked at him. Surely the spoilt rich kid had been taught some kind of manners?!

He looked back at me. "Problem, Brows?"

I pursed my lips together and looked at his feet.

"Sorry, do you not like them being there?" He questioned. "Well I'm afraid you're going to have to ask me to move them."

I scoffed and looked back down at the book. His feet could stay there, I wasn't going to talk to the prick.

"Oh come on, Brows..." He muttered. "You've spoken to me before."

He was just testing my patience now. I continued to read, trying to block out his voice.

"Don't you get lonely, not ever talking to anyone?" He questioned again, a sly tone to his voice.

_ No, not really._ I thought. _It's only big headed moron's like you that I don't talk to. _

Finally, he realized that I wasn't going to open my mouth and gave up. I snuck a quick glance at him, and he was looking out the window, an irritated expression on his face. I tried to hold back a smirk as I continued to read, feeling rather proud that I'd managed to piss him off without uttering a word.


End file.
